Lowering the Draw Bridges

I have mentioned in an earlier post that I believe that friends and family are of the most important things in a persons life. I mentioned that one of these reasons is because they hold you accountable to yourself.

I have spent years developing good and bad friends in my life. Some of those bridges I have burnt, some destroyed, but most I simply drew back the bridge to it's fortress, and guarded the castle with the highest of defenses. For some of these relationships, destroying or drawing the bridges built were necessary for the integrity of castle, usually not without damage.

Staying on the metaphor, I feel that my castle has become prosperous. The life of it, being healthy. In this, I have started to repair, lower and rebuild some of these bridges, in this time of peace.

One relationship I have started to rebuild, is that of my best-friend. Her and I have been friends for 5 years. She is definitely one of those people who make me want to be a better person, which is important for me. She has been there in my good and bad times however, for the past 11 months, we haven't talked. This was definitely a bridge I damaged on my own and one that I was sorry to have lost.

I have my bridges with my adoptive family (Blackmer and extended) that I made sure where drawn and barred. I separated myself from them with great distance. Pride, stubbornness and selfishness, mixed with feelings of resentment, hurt, and confusion plagued my castle and, if a castle could ever just up and move it's entire location, well that's exactly what I did.

I have slowly started to work on evaluating which bridges need to be repaired, lowered or even further destroyed. It has been a lot of work, work that I don't see being finished anytime soon, if ever. But one of the good things about this evaluation process, is that it is giving me a chance to process a lot of the things I never have. I am slowly, room by room of my castle, washing the walls of overgrown foliage, moss and mold.

This process, I am finding, is not all about just my castle either. Sometimes a bridge was not raised or destroyed in time, and this plaque I have been referring to, spread to other people's castles as well. So not only am I dealing with a lot, but it is allowing the other ends of these bridges, to start processing some things as well.

The great thing about life is that it's not all about the past. I am taking the time to build new bridges as well. I spent quite a bit of time talking to my sister-in-law this evening, (whom I have never met) telling each other about ourselves. I have missed out on so much of a lot of peoples lives in a decade of self discovery, that I can't help but be angry at myself, but then I remind myself, that it has all been a process to get me to where I am today. I am finding these days that it's ok to be angry about things, but not to stay in the anger, but find a solution to it. What am I going to do about it?

This is only a start to a bigger process. A bigger process because, even though sometimes I may want to repair or rebuild a bridge, it doesn't mean that the other side wants that alliance again. And this is a fact I have to face.

So reader, again, I have a challenge. I challenge you to take a look out some of your castle windows, and look at some of the bridges you have. Have you done some maintenance lately? Do you finally need to lower a draw bridge to let some air flow through? My challenge for you today is not necessarily and action challenge, but I implore you to do an internal process of your castle's state: are you in a time of peace or war?